Yesterday I received the completely unexpected news that my dear "Joburg" Granny had passed away. She was my last grandparent, and the one I had been the closest to. She was truly the perfect granny, from the time I was a child, her name has been synonomous with everything good.
Just hours before I heard the news, I had been working on a scrapbook for her, imagining her delight as she showed all her friends. She was the type of granny that "brag books" were made for. Earlier that afternoon I had been buying her a gift, and then I came home to the news. I was completely shocked, still am really, and very sad. Although we did not see each other often (she lived in South Africa), there was never an occasion that would pass by that we did not receive a letter or a card from her. She remembered everything. She never just sent the family an Easter card (who sends Easter cards?) she sent each invidual child their own.
She was someone who always made you feel warm and loved, even the thought of her made you feel better about yourself and life. And life was just better knowing she was out there, and that you could always call her, and if you caught her at home, (she lived a very full life to the end), she would be so genuinely delighted to hear from you and so in awe of every little thing you told her you were doing. She never ever complained about anything, she never let anyone see her down or anything other then cheerful, even at some of her saddest moments she would muster a smile and say, "now, we mustn't cry". My mom once told me that she had been to visit her in the hospital many years ago after she had been in surgery. She said that when she walked up to the door, Granny was wincing in obvious pain, but as soon as she saw my mom she put on a happy face and cheerily greeted her, insisting that she was just fine and hardly in any pain at all. That was just how she was. Every time I spoke to her she would tell me how well she was, never mentioning the problems she was having with her legs or any other aches and pains, and that it was really such a blessing for an old lady like her and I would always poo-poo that because she really wasn't old at all in my mind, she had such a youthful voice and outlook, I always imagined her with years still ahead of her and would not allow myself to seriously think of her ever leaving. She did not age at all in my eyes from when I was a little girl.
Granny was the most generous person I have ever known. She would literally give you the shirt off her back. I remember admiring her jersey once so she took it off and gave it to me, the same happened with jewelry and perfume. After a while I stopped complimenting her. Every Christmas of my childhood was made absolutely magical by the visit to granny's house, or hers to ours, where a huge pillow case of presents would await each of us. She wrapped every gift inside each pillow case so the magic would last for hours. She would buy things for the pillowcases all year round, from every vendor that stopped by her office, I can't imagine her saying, "no" to anyone. The year we went back I got to re-experience the magic as each of my children discovered, "a whole Santa's sack all for me?" They still talk about it.
I never heard Granny saying anything unkind about anyone either. No matter what anyone did, they must have a good reason for it, she gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. I never saw her angry or annoyed. My mother always said that granny would organize her shoe cupboard when she was angry and we would always agree that she must have a very messy shoe cupboard. Speaking of shoes, she was always so well groomed and put together. Her nails were always manicured, her jewelry was always carefully chosen to coordinate with her outfit, her hair was always styled, she always smelled lovely.
It has been a great sadness to me that my children did not have her in their lives, and that they weren't in hers in a physical way, but a couple of years ago, thanks again to my generous sister and her husband, we were able to go to South Africa, so that she could meet the younger three (she met Benjamin when he was a baby). We had a lovely day on the beach together. Gracie was only 3 when she met granny but when I showed her the pictures of her she said, "oh! I love that granny!" and went into great detail about what they had done on the beach together. They bonded immediately. I wish they could have spent more time together but I am so glad they met and Gracie has at least one real memory of her. When Benjamin heard the news of her passing he cried. He too, had very little face to face experience that he remembered, but the very brief encounters with her, along with the photos of her beaming as she held him as a baby, the cards, and letters, and phone calls had made a big impact on him. I just wish we'd had more time.
For some reason my kids always gravitated most to the gifts that she sent, she had a knack-sometimes to my chagrine,-(the somewhat unattractive large orange haired doll mentioned in an earlier post was sent from her) for finding the all time favourite gifts.
My babies always had the most beautifully hand knit cardigans and pull overs, hats and booties, thanks to my granny. They were always much admired, and experienced knitters would tell me how good her work was. She even knit them each a dressing gown (bathrobe) which they looked so unbearably cute in, they were cozy and warm just exactly like the dressing gowns she knitted for me as a child, together with the somewhat bizarre ,yet cozy triangular "bedsocks" her mother would knit for us, I used to feel quite toasty on cold winter evenings.
I feel so much sadness and regret that I did not call her more often, did not tell her more often how much we all loved her, did not let the kids talk to her more often. I would intend to, all the time, so often particularly lately, but she was hard to get in touch with, and then life would get in the way. I sobbed to my mother after she told me the news, that I had neglected her, that I had not been the granddaughter she deserved, and my mother assured me that she had never felt that way, that she had always been so delighted with the photos I sent, and the news of the kids. My mom is probably right, Granny was so utterly selfless that I'm sure she never felt neglected, it would never occur to her to think of herself for long enough to feel neglected. She was too busy living a full, loving, giving, happily busy life.
It is at times like these that I feel particularly far from home. I will not be able to attend her funeral which breaks my heart somewhat. I feel that I did so little for her, I would love to at least have been there, but she would have been the first to insist that I not even think about doing so. I imagine that it will be standing room only though, there is no one she came into contact with, who did not love her, I am certain of that. The world is definitely a lesser place for her absence.
Since there is nothing else I can give her or do for her, I am going to think about one of her qualities that I can work on developing in myself, I can't imagine which one I will choose because any of them will be a real challenge for me to master, but if I can in some small way, pay even a little of what she gave me forward, I will be making a real difference in the world. And as we said every time we ended a phone call,
Bye for now, I love you lots and miss you Granny!
Tea party on the beach
Chuckles with Finny
Seeing Gabe for the first time at the airport.
2 out of 3 are in on the joke (po Gracie was soooo tired)
4 Generations of girls. (The 3rd and 4th fresh off looooong flights)
Saying goodbye, very misty but still smiling.
Love you so much Gran, we hope you are enjoying many joyful reunions, we'll see you again,
xoxoxoxo from us all.
Kirsty, I'm sorry to hear about your granny, especially since you were so close to seeing her again. It is a wonderful essay you wrote about her--she sounds like she had a whole bunch of good in her. It was nice to see the photos too--she looks as put-together and with as lovely a smile as you described! I think it will be a wonderful tribute to her for you to adopt one of her remarkable qualities.
Posted by: Samantha | November 26, 2007 at 01:56 AM
Your Granny is lucky to have you as such a wonderful granddaughter! Call if you need to...
Posted by: Julie | November 26, 2007 at 07:34 AM
That was nice. I'm sorry to hear your news, but I enjoyed the things you said about her. It's great to know people that make you want to be a better person.
Posted by: Jen | November 26, 2007 at 02:03 PM
Kirsty, I am so sorry about your Granny. I know how sad you must feel. I loved reading all the wonderful things your wrote about her. I am sure the world is a little less light now that she is gone. Thank you for sharing your feelings about her with us.
Posted by: Carolyn | November 26, 2007 at 10:48 PM
What a beautiful tribute Kirsty. I feel and share your sadness as I too had a very special (last grandparent alive)grandpa who just gave, gave, gave ... and loved life.
My sincere condolences. I can't imagine how hard it must be to grieve from afar ... but know that your Granny knows how much you love her. She knows. If you can hear her, I am guessing she is saying "we mustn't cry now ... I had a good life, a loving family and special people in my life. I have been blessed."
Jo
Posted by: Thelma Jo | November 28, 2007 at 11:39 AM
What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful lady. I was saddened to hear of your news and can relate so well with your feelings. I felt the same when my GranGran passed away. Wishing I had done this or that, etc. All we can do is move forward and live life to the fullest from here on out....always letting those who mean the most to us know it.
Posted by: Amz | November 29, 2007 at 12:55 AM
So sorry to hear about your Granny's passing. She sounds like a wonderful woman -- one to be admired and cherished.
You're in my thoughts....
Posted by: Steph | November 29, 2007 at 08:40 PM
She sounds like an absolute blessing to everyone who knew her. She will be missed dearly by everyone, I'm sure of it and I never met her. Your devotion to her is so touching...I'm sitting here misty-eyed from reading it. I can empathize with you on the feelings you have, I've had that feeling a few times before when I've been overseas and someone dear to me has passed on. I'm sure she knew how much you loved her and wanted to spend more time with her. She knew.
Posted by: Kim | November 29, 2007 at 08:45 PM