Momedy

So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen!Goodbye...

2007 we hardly knew ye .... It has been the best of times, it has been the worst of times.
Ok I guess I'm going to have to come up with an original sentence now.
So..2007. Quite a year. Seems like 3.

I have to say that I started off the year in a very, very different state of mind, and body really, to the one that I am ending it in. It's much better now I think. Which makes it a successful year. No? Yes, I think so.

Some things I have learned this year:

• I am very, very competitive but mostly with myself. You win some, you lose some that way. I could stand to be less competitive all around. It's not a virtue.

• 31 is really not old. 32 may be.

• It's not so much important what other people think. It's their thought, not your reality

• Other people really aren't thinking about you much anyway

• Depression can turn you into a totally different person

• Depression can sometimes look a lot like anger
  

• I have some incredibly kind and patient friends and family who love me a lot less conditionally then I previously gave them credit for

• I am stubborn. I'm still on the fence on whether that is a vice or a virtue. Can go either way. When it is a virtue I believe they call  it tenacious though. Semantics.

• I should talk much, much less then I do. Oh so much less.

• God is so much kinder and more loving then I ever imagined possible. Oh so much more.

• You really cannot do it all. At least you cannot do it all well. No, you can't. It's OK though

• My husband and children are even more spectacularly wonderful then I thought.

• I am not nearly as sad about being sans baby then I thought I would be. I am absolutely loving the stage my family is in,  and I wish time would slow so I could enjoy it just as it is now for a few more years.

It actually scares me how much a year is everything. Because I was so much a wreck in pretty much every way last time this year, and right now I am hopeful and grateful for where my life is. The exhilarating and frightening question is, when so much change is possible, where will I be a year from now?

Resolutions? I think not.

Resolutions have not worked well for me in the past. I used to be the queen of resolutions. No area of my life would escape unscathed by the intensity of my will to reform on New Year's Eve. By January 3rd I was a defeated woman. It was all for naught and I would have to wait 'til next year to start over.

Last New Year's Eve, being in a grim and resigned state of mind, I resolutely resolved to make no resolutions. What was the point? When an enthusiastic group of friends at a New Year's party  last year offered me in on their plans to lose a cool 20llbs a piece, I morosely declined.

This year I accomplished several resolutions that I have made for the last 10 years to no avail. I lost the weight,  I finished my degree, I got really back into running, I asked the hard questions and did the work to get the answers. And on Dec 31, 2006 I was not resolving to do any of these things.

Empirical evidence would thus suggest that the resolution is a crock. OK well fine, I have been known to make a generalization or two in my time. I think it has to do with expectations. Managing them has always been a challenge for me, and I believe that I may finally be getting a handle on that. I think I may have blogged about that somewhere...anyway.. Without impossible expectations being laid up for myself I was free to achieve what I wanted to. Without the sceptre of failure looming over me, I could do whatever I wanted. And it turns out these were all things I really wanted to do. Without the resolution they did not feel like things I felt I should want to do.

Not sure where I am going with all this but I am hopeful for 2008. It has the possibility to be so many wonderful things. I have no resolutions but I have lots of plans. I am excited to see where life takes us.
I just finished a wonderful book that is very apropos for this time of year. A friend who I admire greatly for many reasons but especially for his serenity, gifted it to Aaron and I for Christmas. I believe he thought that I particularly could benefit from it and he was so right. He said that it had made a great impact on his life . I can see why.
It is called The Art of Possibility. I generally shy away from self-help books. A lot of them seem contrived and hokey and frankly, I feel that I already have all I need to help myself through God and my faith, but the perspectives of these two open minded, creative and amazing positive people on how a change in perceptions can change the world, really resonated with me. I feel they will help me in my dealings with others and especially with the way I relate to myself.  If nothing else, I guarantee an uplifting read.

I wish you my friends everything hopeful and lovely in 2008.

Since I began blogging a few months ago I have rekindled some relationships that have been very meaningful to me, they have been a great blessing. As I have mentioned before, I am surprised by the number of people who appear to be reading this.  I am not that weirded out by that anymore, and I thank you for your interest, but once again, I'm fairly certain that a goodly portion of this blog's readers are people I do not yet have the pleasure of knowing. I would love to get to know at least one new person through this blog in 2008, and to be able to call them a friend by the end of the year. Did that sound like a resolution? Let's call it a hope.

                            Happy New Year!

                          Adieu, Adieu, to you and you and you......

PS: Does anyone really know all the words to Auld Lang Syne?

Tradiiiiiiitiooooon! TRADITION!TRADITION!

'Tis the season of tradition. We have a few and it strikes me that it would be nice to record them somewhere-so here goes..

Like many families, we trim the tree and decorate the house on the weekend after Thanksgiving. We always do this to the soundtrack of Mormon Tabernacle Choir's White Christmas (from the movie Mr. Krueger's Christmas). But I wrote more about all of that in a previous enty. I try to get an ornament each year representative of each kid in that year. Sometimes it will be after Christmas when they go on sale. 'Cos I'm cheap like that.

Gingerbread House

Each year we make a gingerbread house. If Uncle Marc is in the house he heads up this enterprise. One year he made an African village. When Marc is not around, Aaron steps in as chief architect and contractor, he has many willing assistants.

12 Days of Christmas

For the last few years we have chosen a family to do the 12 days of Christmas for. This is sooo much fun. For the 12 nights preceding Christmas we do an anonymous "drop" at their door with a gift in keeping with the day. This year the gifts were:

Partridge in a Pear tree-Pear Sparkling Cider and a variety of fresh pears in a partridge in a pear tree bag I found at the last moment. (Being the detail person I am, you can imagine my joy).

Turtle doves-Turtle chocolate, Dove chocolate, Dove Soap

French Hens- Frozen french toast sticks and a ceramic Christmas bowl filled with eggs for breakfast courtesy of the French and the hens.

Calling Birds-Four calling cards to call someone far away.

Golden Rings-Five Krispey Kreme donuts-handy as there were 5 in the family this year.

Geese-A'laying-Goose ornament and Ferror Rocher chocolate for the "golden eggs.

Swans a-Swimming-Bath bubbles and toys

Maids a milking-We got a tin of kids cardgames and highlighted 'Old Maid' on it.

Ladies Dancing-The Nutcracker Suite CD and a couple of slabs of Symphony chocolate.

Lords a-leaping-Was supposed to be Mexican jumping beans (used in the past) or Tiddlywinks, but Aaron found a frog game that he thought looked like lots more fun.

Pipers Piping-A bunch of pipe cleaners of different types and Christmas bells along with the instructions on how to make this craft.

Drummers Drumming- Nestle Drumstick ice cream cones and a Nutcracker playing a drum.

Christmas Eve

Traditionally we do a service project of sorts and/or deliver cookies and such with a carol to a plethora of unsuspecting folk. People tolerate our singing very kindly. Here's what we gave people this year. Gracie and Aaron made the little star mince pies, the meringue Christmas hats gave us us fits (fyi-when it says parchment paper, wax paper is not a good substitute) and the reindeer were not as docile as they seem. Next  year we will make a batch of brownies and call it good.

Our Christmas eve family dinner is very cozy. We always have lamb from my mom's recipe. We never seem to manage to write this wonderful recipe down, so each Christmas Eve a call is put in to my mom to talk us through it. Since it is late on Christmas Eve in SA in our early evening, and also have their big dinner and festivities on Christmas Eve, we get to chat with them and feel a  part of that.

The kids put sugar around the glasses-another tradition from my family.

We have a very fancy candlelit dinner.

After dinner, we always read the Christmas Story from Luke. This year we also talked about what we could give Jesus since it was His birthday after all. Gracie said, "well we can't give him anything because everything is already His. All we can give Him is  what we do with our free will". Pretty deep for a 5 year old. We have discussed this of course, but I was impressed at her understanding by putting it in context. We watched the Nativity scene from Mr. Krueger's Christmas. I think it is one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever seen in any movie. Jimmy Stewart at his finest. Benjamin was sobbing at the end of it. It was very touching. While everything was still reverent and quiet, everyone wrote a card to Jesus telling Him what they would give up or commit to doing as a gift to Him this year. We tied all the cards together with a ribbon and put it under the tree. It was a very special moment

We always sing Silent Night-this year accompanied on the piano by Benj! He let his siblings get their thang out of their system first so that he could be undisturbed.

We say our family prayer

Then everyone gets to open one present. Much joy and hysteria.

Then we lay out the snack to Santa, all the kids write a little note to him. Gracie sprinkled glittery oats out for the reindeer to find, and they lay out their stockings

We read the Night before Christmas

And finally finally, clutching new toys, everyone goes to bed.

As you can tell, Christmas Eve is somewhat of an extravaganza

Since I was a kid of about 7 or 8, I would write, direct and usually act in a Christmas play produced by me and my siblings. I am hoping for one of my children to catch the vision to continue this tradition. It continued when we were with my family in South Africa but the best they could summon this year was singing their various renditions of Jingle Bells. One involving how their sister got a WII but they just got a chair, was their favourite.

Christmas Day

Kids wake up to open their stockings, (there is always an orange in the toe much to their bemusement), then breakfast and then the little matter of presents. This year we managed to string that out for 3 hours. Each kid only got about 4 gifts but we all stopped to watch each person open one, then they would play with it for a while before the next one. It was great and they got to really enjoy and discover all the presents rather then tear everything off in a 2 minute frenzy and then look around all disappointed for more.

Here's Gracie setting up a boutique to use her newly acquired cash register in.

And then we all hang out in pajamas all day long until it is time to descend on our friends for dinner. This year we had the mammoth contribution of the salad and the drinks. It was stressful but we coped.

Amy in her typical party pose

Aaron having a not so passive aggressive moment. It's my turn to talk!

I have to say that I have loved Christmas with my little family for different reasons each year, but this year was really special because it dawned on me that Christmas was so similar to how it was when I was growing up. I have always pined for my family at Christmas because we have such a fun, wonderful, hilarious festive time together.

And then this Christmas Day as we all hung out laughing, listening to music on my newly acquired iPod speaker thingie, just exactly as we would have when I was a teenager, really talking, playing and enjoying each other, it occurred to me that my little family is turning into all the best parts of the family I grew up in. And that is a pretty wonderful thing.

Merry Christmas!

Falalalalaaaaaaaaaaa!!! La! La! La! LA!

This morning at about 12:30am, after a day of many many errands, giving a presentation to Gracie's kindergarten class about Christmas in "Africa", leading them in an "African craft" experience, many more errands, dealing with grumpy children, attempting to understand a textbook which even Aaron recoiled at, doing much homework, giving a personal training session (which was actually the most relaxed portion of my day), going on yet another errand after that (at 10pm), and coming home to do 3 assignments before midnight... I experienced a strange sensation. I did not quite know what to make of it, so unfamiliar a sensation it was. I was lying in bed at the time. I tried to identify it for quite some time, then I realised what it was: The RELAXED. Ahhhhhhhh...... I have not felt relaxed in a very very long time and it was a welcome surprise.

At about midnight I got the results from the class that I sweated over on Thanksgiving day and every other day for weeks before and after. The one for the professor who seemed absolutely impossible to please. He would give me good grades but tell me what rubbish my work was in every way in the comments and really by extension what rubbish I was.  So  I did not hold out much hope for the final paper. You know the one I began on the day it was due?  Up until this point I have had a 4.0 GPA for this degree. Being obsessive you know what it would have done to me not to get an A in the last class.  Truly, does it matter in the long run? No, not at all. But  as you know, I'm not a well woman, so everything matters to me.

So every time I would check to see if my grade had been posted, I would instinctively close my eyes and turn my head away and then open my eye just a crack to see the befoulment of my pristine GPA. Last night I went through this rigamorale before retiring to bed after submitting 3 assignments for my "cushy class" and was shocked and thrilled to see that I had received 29.5 out of 30 for the final paper and 97% overall. The Prof was marginally nicer to me in his comments then usual, but still made it clear that he did not think that I had a very bright future because of that one mistake in my APA formatting of an in-text citation, and really, mistakes like those cost lives. Regardless, the mood was celebratory.

Now let's get onto the cushy class that I had to take to make up the technicality of credit hours. I could have taken...well anything.."how to balance your checkbook" perhaps. But because I am much much wiser then that what did I take? Ahhh.....yes, Physiological Psychology. Really, I mean even the name of the class sounds breezy and easy doesn't it?  It's a shame I did not take on more of a challenge because life right now is so slow and boring. Omigosh. Methinks THAT was a mistake. It was one of the first times ever that I actually read the assigned reading in order to complete the assignments and I was still completely and utterly flummoxed. I ended up calling Q in Utah to talk me through it. If it were not for Q, I would have had nothing....nothing...NOTHING...If I didn't have Q......sorry, just channeling Whitney for a moment,  (and Jenn you know we all love Q and I know you'd love to have me as a sister wife..but don't be getting the wrong idea.. I just could not resist the play on words).

Anyway that was how baffled I was. It is week one. I am not hopeful. Particularly since I have big plans to accelerate this already accelerated class in order to have it all done before I go to South Africa.  As you can tell, I like a simple life.

Regardless, once I had the first 3 assignments submitted, rubbishing as they were (except the Q input of course) I felt a sense of lightness. A couple of emails regarding another little issue I had been angsting over further heightened the euphoria. I retired to bed, relaxed in the knowledge that all I had to do today was assemble 3 teacher gifts before the kids went to school, get the last of my Christmas cards off-(Carolyn did you ever get one from me?), mail some packages (nothing like the last minute),  throw a class party (alone of course because I learn from my mistakes), complete with Rudolph the red nosed reindeer cookies:

Which Aaron the wonder husband took pity on me and made last night, the still to be assembled holiday trail mix for each child, attend my kids' holiday assembly, finish my Christmas shopping, clean my house, start my holiday baking, do some shopping for the  Young Women before the year ends and with it my budget, get gifts for 20 young women with a budget of $20 (you think I may have to be creative?) and prepare a wonderful Christmas lesson for Sunday all while entertaining a disgruntled Finny who feels abandoned and alone because Gracie has a playdate and the boys are at school. And I need to fit in a run somewhere too . But seriously.. no lie, I felt such a sense of relief and excitment over the relative simplicity of this day that I could not sleep.  For the last several weeks I have not been able to sleep for stress and now I could not sleep for relief.  It is a good thing that I do not need much sleep because I seem to be a bit of a sleep-tard differently-abled.

You may ask then, why I am typing away here as I distract Finny with sorting out the colours in a bowl of M&M's. I just felt that it was necessary that I revel in and record these momentous moments of chill-ness, because I have a feeling they will be fleeting.

I also came here to report a conversation at the dinner table last night

Me: Gracie, I cannot believe you are going to be 6! I clearly remember when I was 6!

Gabe: (with a far away look in his eye and a dreamy voice as he reminisced on days gone by) Yes, I remember being 6 too...Good times....good times..

In other news Finny is finally mastering the toilet thing. As with all my kids I took the lazy mother approach. I did not push the issue at all until they decided enough was enough already and told me that they would appreciate it if I would procure them some underwear. None of this perching 18 month olds over the potty every 3.5 minutes, no rewarding every tinkle with an M&M,  and very few accidents since they are half way to college by the time I take away the diapers.  Path of least resistance my friends, I highly recommend it.

Anyway, the penny suddenly dropped for Finny (or the pee pee did?) and it would appear that our diaper days are finally numbered. Yesterday afternoon after he had given up trying to talk me into putting a diaper back on him so he could go and do his business in his room without having to interrupt his playing (he may be onto something actually..think of the time we could save....ok gross..) he relented and did it in the appropriate room using the appropriate receptacle. Of course he got major kudos from me. A few minutes later I noticed that he had begun yet another "garbage truck" project and had a huge hamper full of assorted items that I would have to put away. When I gently berated him for this, as we had agreed to no more garabage trucks for a while, he said, 

"hey mommy! Remember how happy you were about the potty a minute ago!?"

Maybe he will be a motivational speaker: Let's focus on the positive and maintain an attitude of gratitude shall we, mother? That, or a used-car salesman.

Well I am off to enjoy my relaxing day now. Fa la la la laaaa la la la LA!

I survive with a little help from my friends (and family)...

So last night when I was all hopped up on calories, I attempted a second post in praise of my lovely girlfriends. But the stupid sexist male computer would have none of that and ate it. I'm not bitter.

I also bore forth somewhat about why I lost my mind and a significant percentage of body fat this week. But apparently the computer thought that was just too much self indulgent wallowing for one week.

So, I thought I would combine the two themes with saying, that my dear friend Kallie left this week. It has been very sad for me because we were starting to really get to know each other better, and she is someone you do like more the more you know her, as opposed to that other type of person. I wish I had invested more effort into getting to know her better earlier but suddenly she was all, "see ya" and I was left with the sober realisation that indeed, one should not procrastinate the day of your relationships.

Apart from the fact that Kallie and her family are cool and will be greatly missed, she and Julie and I also worked happily together in the Young Women Presidency (for those of you not in the Mormon-know, this is an organization for all the girls aged 12-18) in our church. She was President, and Julie and I were her counselors. Last Sunday I was surprised with the news that God thought I would do to take over her role. This, of course added to the tragedy  of her departure for me.  Add to this the fact that Julie is no longer working in YW, and I'm all sad and bereft as my cozy circle has been all kinds of messed with and now I actually have to step up. Egads.

The various logistics and some complicated communication issues surrounding this change (did you know that men really are from Mars? I did not used to think so, but have discovered as much this week), have created, shall we say some angst in my life. Added to this the pre-Christmas hysteria, The Final Paper, the fact that I have 4 kids even on my best day, and as always, the multitude of other random commitments, the lack of sunlight and the fact that I became increasingly malnourished and sleep deprived as the week when on, led to what could be euphemistically be referred to as some instability.  The Meltdown came on Sunday. It was ugly and public. Moving and changing my name has been considered. We are still looking into that.

Anyway throughout the drama, I have been so grateful for my Aaron. who truly personifies the calm in the storm, for my family who understand my special brand of insanity from many years of experience with it and know how to communicate with me in Crazy, and for my wonderful girlfriends, who have been ever patient, and kind and supportive even when I had to be infuriatingly cryptic. Apart from probably having starved without their support and distraction through a couple of good meals, I may have gone on a spree of some sort if I had not been able to call them and rant incoherently about my unnamed issues for hours at a time. (If you ever thought it was a thrill to listen to your crazy obsessive friend going endlessly on about her problems, try doing it when you don't even know what the problem is.)  Good times. Girlfriends are truly are the bomb, and I have been so blessed with extra special good ones throughout my life, although Julie expressed that better on Saturday.

So today as predicted, with paper done and food on board along with some post-Meltdown putting -it -all on- the- table, type discussions with the Martians, (who to their credit, really do try), I feel somewhat less like a (crazy) stranger in a strange land, and am happy to be able to focus my Freak on fewer things. Because I like to give my issues the quality, focused ,Freak Out energy that they deserve.

It is true that what does not kill you makes you stronger, but in my case, things are more inclined to kill you (and possibly others who may get in your path), without lots of prayer, one awesome guy who manages to straddle planets and still calmly pick up the pieces of your world , and some awesome friends and family who despite struggling with their own worries and problems and sadness, always have time to help you with yours. I am inexpressibly grateful for them all.

Julie, Me, Kallie and Toni officially together for the last Wedneday night..sniff...gulp. ( Julie and I found the juxtaposition of the dark and light backgrounds amusing and appropriate.)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!??????

It is done. The final paper of the final class of my heinous degree is over. I have not yet technically graduated though, as I was surprised a few weeks ago with the happy news that the university had found a little loophole whereby I was just 3 credits shy of being eligible to graduate through their institution, (I transferred), regardless of the fact that I have 4 gajillion credits through former institutions. 

They apologetically told me that I could choose any, any course, from any concentration, or school that I wanted to fulfill this little technicality. They urged me to look for the cushiest most mindless course I could find, by all means, please. (They are all about getting a real solid education apparently).

ANYWAY, after briefly considering underwater basket weaving, I settled on Physiological Psychology, a class that I had better enjoy the heck out of, because it starts tomorrow (today really) and I am a tad burned out. I figure it is the perfect course, combining the two fields I cannot choose between as I contemplate forging ahead with my studies and figuring out what I am going to be when I grow up. It will be sad if I hate it because then I will have to accept that it is not the subject, I am perhaps just incredibly lazy.

BUT back to the momentous, anti-climatic moment at hand. The many arduous years of toiling through my tremendously ill-suited, much detested business degree, have come to an end. Hard to contemplate.

After submitting the final paper a few moments ago I had a small panic attack. That was just too easy. It should have been more dramatic, I should have been endlessly WW&GT right? It was not enough that I had sat in one spot for 16 hours. No exaggeration-maybe 5 minutes for cumulative bathroom breaks and a shower at around 7pm because I love my family and they should not have to suffer.

I edited, and re-edited, had Aaron edit. Tweaked and read through one last time, still tweaking along the way. I always feel though, that then one should be able to read through the paper one last, LAST time, tweak free. But that never happens because by that stage I am seeing double and thinking that I have been incredibly redundant because I can't differentiate the beginning of the paper from the time I read it before. So I rashly submit and then I panic.

In other news, the closer I got to fulfilling my page requirement, the more my appetite increased.At about 10:30pm , during one of the final edits ,a friend directed me a very appetising looking French speaking hamburger, and I do believe I fell in love. Aaron was promptly dispatched to Wendy's and my starved body literally inhaled that thing, even though my mind was quietly repulsed. It was like there was a vacuum in my stomach, (which I guess there technically was), because I did not even get to chew, I was trying to, but there was some sort of suction going on and the food was just shooting down my throat. Do you suppose I needed some protein? After subsisting mainly on the occasional bite of sugar cookies and clementines for a over a week, (with the exception of a couple of solid, friend-assisted meals (which probably kept me from needing to be nourished by way of IV. I get by survive with a little help from my friends. More on them later. Aaron stayed home ostensibly feeling under the weather, but I think , his malaise was helped along by the fact that it was a snow day and mommy was on the brink, having not yet begun her paper. And since mommy has been on the brink (and well beyond the brink yesterday-good times) quite a bit this week, she might need a little supervision. Any good father would fear for his children under those circumstances. He did what he had to do, y'know? Good guy that. I may not have mentioned that before, but he is.

This evening on the way to my shower, I pondered that although the week had been incredibly stressful/horrible in a rather creative variety of ways, at least the kids had remained healthy. And then I bashed my head violently against a wall, because I knew I had invoked the curse. When Finny came downstairs a few hours later looking peaked, I flatly instructed Aaron to grab a puke bowl because I had rashly allowed the "our kids have been so healthy" thought to pass through my mind. He was kind enough not to bash my head against the wall again. He now knows that I am psychic, (which I am, by the way,) because within 10 minutes, Finny was barfing his brains out. Po Finny. Sorry baby, it is all mommy's fault. Perhaps I can learn occlumency (was that the thing Harry Potter was supposed to master in order to keep his mind inpenetrable?) So no fear that tomorrow (or later tonight/this morning) will be boring.

And nobody can say we didn't tell you so...

Finding the answers in country music....

We were talking last night about country music and about my general distaste for it (although there are some noticeable exceptions..the Dixie Chicks rock my world for instance, (and if you don't know what that brilliant song refers to, I highly recommend the documentary Shut up and Sing), and on a lighter note, this is a really fun song to run to- fun video too (discovered while drying my hair at the gym as CMT played in the mirror) However I'm not what I would call a country music fan.

So today when I went to the gym where in the locker room the TV is always turned to CMT, I was not exactly tuned in, so I was surprised when these lyrics penetrated my earnest obsessing. 

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole

While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back

"Hmmmm....", I thought , "well how about that."  I then hopped onto the treadmill whereupon my iPod offered up it's 2c:

This is the time of your life
What you gonna do with it? - Don't fool with it
This is the time of your life
You better face it, don't waste it

Don't think about the future, don't think about the past
There's just this moment, better make it last
You better get it right 'cause
This is the time of your life

It aint country but it is one of my favourite songs of all time:Check out the video below.

I think it's cool when God gets creative with sending you messages.

Time of your life

The Time Of Your Life Video

The Time Of Your Life lyrics - Little Steven lyrics

Little Steven Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Stress cadet...

I am so stressed right now I can't even tell you.  What a difference a week can make. Last week this time I was not stressed, although I had anticipated being very stressed then, with Aaron being gone and all. It so happened that I felt extraordinarily calm and balanced and serene for the most part last week, as I spent so much time gloating over in the neverending post below. Indeed, I anticipated this week as a happy time of decompression, but life never goes as planned (sometimes for the better, sometimes not) and  I cannot remember when I have felt less decompressed.

I know that I am having some grade A, high quality stress because I am having a ton of trouble eating, although I ate my first real meal in a few days at a friend's house tonight. Things always taste better at a friend's house and I felt a bit better for an hour or so. I am sure the lack of food is not adding to my mental stability. It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation. On the bright side, I weigh less then I did in highschool. Whodathunk that would ever happen. But really, it's not the silver lining one would think because for the first time in my life I am worrying that I will not stop losing weight. (Yes I managed to add one more thing to my stress/worry arsenal-I am a professional freaker-outer, you see). I ran that past Aaron last night, "so what happens if I keep losing 5 lbs every month or so?" to which he replied, "well pretty soon you will die". Cheerful. You've got to love the Idahoan way of telling it like it is.

Anyway, it was a conversation I never ever thought we would be having. In fact I actually once may have wished it were. It used to be more in the realm of "omihell what happens if I keep gaining 5lbs every month or so? How much further can the skin on my stomach possibly stretch?!" Once more, life...not predictable.

I am trying desperately to regain perspective on life and to hark back to the last time I was feeling this insane, and how the tunnel looked so long and dark and well...blocked off at the end, and how everything turned out hunkey dorey eventually. For a season. I know it will again. Well, in my head I know this but my stomach is not so sure. I had a friend who always used to say life is a cycle of crisis. You are either in one, just getting over one, or just going into one. I suppose this is what keeps it interesting.

I just thought I would share this good cheer with you all.  Misery loves company even if it is silent, faceless internet company. I am hoping by Tuesday to be a happier person, or at least one that eats and sleeps on a semi-regular basis.

Off to attempt that thing called sleep. I'm sure it will help.

I hope you are all in a decompressed phase of life. It's way more fun.

/therapy session.

Festive Family Photo

The Richardson's took this of us a few weeks ago, before a Christmas devotional. The angle is a bit unfortunate but we are all there and it is the closest thing we are going to get to a formal portrait in all our well-coordinated Christmas finery.

Shameless!

Late, late last night Aaron returned home from a week in Portugal. Before I continue, may I just brag about my brilliant husband? He was invited to Portugal to present his paper about his magical new metal discovery, and on the side he is helping to save the world.  Don't we all love Aaron? Yes we do. I was actually unware of the world saving part of his trip, until I asked him what he had done one day when we spoke on the phone, and of course he made it sound as though he was putting together a 50 piece puzzle of a clown with some pals, I only deduced the world saving part when I looked it up on the internet. Aaron is annoyingly self-effacing. Which is why I have to be annoyingly  and shamelessly self promoting . Just so you know because lots of bragging lies ahead.

I just have to say that I am almost as impressed with what I have accomplished this week as I am with Aaron. I am not one of those women who look forward to their husbands going out of town. I do not "get" those women. My husband does a LOT around here so when he is gone, I am doing twice as much as usual. Not to mention that I really like the fella and we all miss having him around when he's gone.  I have huge admiration for women who do this on a routine basis, fortunately I do not have to do it all that often.

My friend Cyndi and I have a joke that Aaron is the queen bee, and when he is not in the hive all the other bees mill around in a distressed and aimless fashion. (If you have read The Secret Life of Bees) this will make more sense to you. I once told Cyndi that when he works late we all sit around, wondering why the room is so dark and cold and why we are so hungry. His arrival home is a cue for the evening routine to begin, plus he usually makes dinner (despite my resolution). Anyway all that to say, his absences are much dreaded.

But this time I decided that I was going to embrace what lay ahead as a challenge. A "Wheeeee kids! This is FUN" kind of challenge." And if I do say so myself, I was uber-mom this week. Uber single mom.

In addition to doing what keeps kids alive and kicking, I kept the house pretty clean, I caught up with the laundry, but completely (!!), I did two pretty big university assignments, I helped the kids with their homework, I finished my Christmas shopping, I wrapped all my Christmas presents, I stole the Christmas book tradition from Julie's sister and started it (although I had to get all my books from the library-my kids still love unwrapping them each night) so thanks Jennie!

I took the kids for a long freezing cold Christmas luminarie (sp?) walk, along the way we bumped into Santa and his wife

After, we ate cookies and drank hot chocolate and sang carols with gay abandon. Much to the bemusement of the rest of the community. I'm pretty sure people thought we were a crazy carol singing polygamist family as I was flying solo, and hanging out with Nathan and Amy and between us, the children...they were abundant. Look at the incredulous expressions on that guy and that lady in the background.

I also did the Advent program from Jen Lynn's blog, which we are enjoying, thanks Jenn Lynn, I even made them hot chocolate to drink as we read every night AND I found the Snowman kind of peeps to put in the hot chocolate. This is VERY important.

I dealt with a snow day with all of them home, although look how cute they were, thanks to piano teacher Julie the boys are thrilled to be learning Christmas carols this year and the littlies are thrilled to accompany them with vocals

Baby it's cold outside! (Which incidentally, is Finny's new favourite song>: "Mommy! You be the girl and I will be the boy-OK?!  BABY IT's COLD OUTSIDE!!! But BABY.... IT's COLD OUTSIDE...."

And survived an incident involving mice and snow boots (if you understand my phobia of rodents this alone is worthy of me-and my boys, being canonized). We baked and decorated sugar cookies. (If you understand my general phobia of the kitchen and involving children in my attempts to do things in there, you will make me a saint x2 for this.) I ordered my Christmas cards (amazingly decisively!) and started addressing them (If I know who you are, email me your address won't you?), I went running and worked out every day, (although one can think of this as "me time" so maybe not so admirable). I volunteered at the school, I did some real work, I went to Gracie's kindergarten concert. It was super cute.

And you know...stuff like that.  I even gave myself a pedicure and coloured my hair.  And? I only ordered out once, it was Chinese,Friday night with friends because their kid had to have a cultural experience for scouts, and I am all  about sacrificing for the children. Oh, and I took them out to lunch on Saturday, but only because the coupons were about to expire.  Oh, and I took them out to lunch on the snow day too but that was a special treat...ok fine, so we ate out a bit.

It is possible that Aaron laced my Kashi Go Lean with speed before he left because I honestly don't know where I got the energy to do all these things with as much sleep as I have been getting, but I did, and I am deeply grateful. Seriously, I think it was definitely a matter of divine intervention. Aaron gave me a blessing before I left and I can't remember if it said anything about being imbued with superhuman energy for the week but there must have been something along those lines. And there was extra patience too! Much extra patience. I feel very blessed for that. (As no doubt do my kids)

And you know, we really did have fun. My kids said so several times this week, with no small amount of surprise in their voices. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that I started a system of bribery that works really well. I gave each of the kids two of my business cards at bedtime. Each time they got out of bed, or had to be told to be quiet, they would have to give up a card. If they lost both cards they would have to miss the Christmas book reading and hot chocolate before bed the next night. If they kept one card they would get an extra surprise, if they kept 2 cards, they would get 2 extra surprises. Ah the power of bribery, works like a charm, man. Nobody lost a single card. It meant for a lot of figuring out of special surprises, but it was worth it. I once read that parents should not feel guilty about bribery for bedtime, thinking of it more as incentives. Bedtime is hard for kids and there is no reason to not make it more appealing. I totally bought into that theme this week and it saved my sanity. My kids really did deserve the treats, they have been awesome. Benj and Gabe manned up admirably regarding the Mouse Incident, and Benj even shoveled and salted our walkways a few times very cheerfully. They were all super stoic as I dragged them to my Wednesday night church obligations with the youth, and to choir practise Saturday morning. They were perfectly behaved. Seriously, I have the best kids.

The only real downer was that the remote for the TV in our bedroom went missing. I cleaned the room from top to bottom and still, it did not show up. So frustrating as the one upside of Aaron being gone means I get to lie in bed and watch mindless TV til all hours so that I can fall asleep without obsessing whether the clicking over of the furnace is in fact the clicking over of the furnace or something more sinister. But without the remote, this is a lot less fun. getting out of bed to turn off the TV when you are about to drop off has the effect of making one somewhat more alert, and the point of the exercise becomes a bit moot. Julie came to my aide last night with her universal remote. Ah, what a wonder technology is, and friends who will let you use their technology.

Yesterday afternoon, while Finny was at preschool, knowing it would be my last hour of freedom for many weeks to come (his preschool has looooong Christmas breaks), I bought myself these shoes as a reward.

And oh they are soooo much cuter in person. Even my boys pronounced them "good". I wore them to church today and since it was super cold, my feet shrank and they were sliding off . This, together with the fact that the heels are about 4 inches high made walking a challenge, but they are still good shoes. I particularly enjoyed the new perspective the additional height afforded me. I really must wear high high heels more.

I think I deserve them, don't you?  No? How 'bout if I told you they were on sale?

The last single mother hurdle entailed surviving the ward Christmas party/talent show last night, in which we performed a dramatic reading of Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer (with the Richardsons). It was quite a moment in theatre history. Benj as Rudoph, spent the day earnestly seeking direction from me as to how a reindeer might really look when deprived of joining in any reindeer games. It actually turned out very funny. The kids were amazingly deadpan and expressive (all wore black except for the antlers). I WISH I had taken a photo. There was video but I think we will have to recreate it for a photo because it was hysterical. Julie even managed to transpose Rudolph into a minor key to add some extra drama in the background. That chick is good.

I was also involved with the youth fiasco skit, where I played therapist to the lost teenage shepherd who is trying to find the baby Jesus. (S/He eventually does, with the help of a GPS device). It was, I fear, bordering on sacrilege but not as much as when there was a female Jesus and Jesus (20 years later) had some mild swearing to say. I did not write the script. The playwrite however was very gracious about us axing that scene.  Needless to say it was not a Tony award winning performance, but we survived, a little lighter in terms of dignity but survived all the same.

So all in all, it was an unexpectedly great week which really shows once again, that attitude is a pretty major factor in life.  I was about to say that we even managed to escape the curse. But Gabe came down with something yesterday afternoon, so technically the curse managed to make an appearance. My miraculous flow of energy has ebbed considerably now that Aaron is home,  and no doubt in a few hours he will go down with some fancy European stomach bug. Some things are just tradition. (To be fair, my husband is extremely unwhiney and stoic when ill but that is still a brilliant clip)

Look out Vera Wang....

Gracie came to me yesterday asking if she could cut up some of her too small tights for one of her dolls. I found a pair and gave them to her and that was the extent of my involvement in the project. She located my sewing scissors (which I have been missing for some time now)

and this is what she came up with.

She explained to me that the dress had been too short for the baby, so she thought she could make some pants for her and then tuck the dress into them as a shirt. She measured how long the tights would need to be for the babies legs, and them cut off the feet to that length to make pants. She also decorated the pants. When I told her I thought they were just sooo cute, she said, "I KNOW! I can't stop looking at them!" Her baby looks rather chuffed too. She may not be on Project Runway next season but not too shabby for a 5 year old designer.

Omigosh I love this kid. I was wondering last night  where she gets her uber-capability from-cos it sure aint me.  There's super-Aaron, of course, yes but then I thought of Aaron's mother, the quintessential pioneer/nurse/farmers wife, and my dynamo mom, ever-productive granny and superwomen sisters, and thought...holy cow with all those genes combined she is going to take over the world one day!! Apparently it skips a generation.