So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen!Goodbye...

2007 we hardly knew ye .... It has been the best of times, it has been the worst of times.
Ok I guess I'm going to have to come up with an original sentence now.
So..2007. Quite a year. Seems like 3.

I have to say that I started off the year in a very, very different state of mind, and body really, to the one that I am ending it in. It's much better now I think. Which makes it a successful year. No? Yes, I think so.

Some things I have learned this year:

• I am very, very competitive but mostly with myself. You win some, you lose some that way. I could stand to be less competitive all around. It's not a virtue.

• 31 is really not old. 32 may be.

• It's not so much important what other people think. It's their thought, not your reality

• Other people really aren't thinking about you much anyway

• Depression can turn you into a totally different person

• Depression can sometimes look a lot like anger
  

• I have some incredibly kind and patient friends and family who love me a lot less conditionally then I previously gave them credit for

• I am stubborn. I'm still on the fence on whether that is a vice or a virtue. Can go either way. When it is a virtue I believe they call  it tenacious though. Semantics.

• I should talk much, much less then I do. Oh so much less.

• God is so much kinder and more loving then I ever imagined possible. Oh so much more.

• You really cannot do it all. At least you cannot do it all well. No, you can't. It's OK though

• My husband and children are even more spectacularly wonderful then I thought.

• I am not nearly as sad about being sans baby then I thought I would be. I am absolutely loving the stage my family is in,  and I wish time would slow so I could enjoy it just as it is now for a few more years.

It actually scares me how much a year is everything. Because I was so much a wreck in pretty much every way last time this year, and right now I am hopeful and grateful for where my life is. The exhilarating and frightening question is, when so much change is possible, where will I be a year from now?

Resolutions? I think not.

Resolutions have not worked well for me in the past. I used to be the queen of resolutions. No area of my life would escape unscathed by the intensity of my will to reform on New Year's Eve. By January 3rd I was a defeated woman. It was all for naught and I would have to wait 'til next year to start over.

Last New Year's Eve, being in a grim and resigned state of mind, I resolutely resolved to make no resolutions. What was the point? When an enthusiastic group of friends at a New Year's party  last year offered me in on their plans to lose a cool 20llbs a piece, I morosely declined.

This year I accomplished several resolutions that I have made for the last 10 years to no avail. I lost the weight,  I finished my degree, I got really back into running, I asked the hard questions and did the work to get the answers. And on Dec 31, 2006 I was not resolving to do any of these things.

Empirical evidence would thus suggest that the resolution is a crock. OK well fine, I have been known to make a generalization or two in my time. I think it has to do with expectations. Managing them has always been a challenge for me, and I believe that I may finally be getting a handle on that. I think I may have blogged about that somewhere...anyway.. Without impossible expectations being laid up for myself I was free to achieve what I wanted to. Without the sceptre of failure looming over me, I could do whatever I wanted. And it turns out these were all things I really wanted to do. Without the resolution they did not feel like things I felt I should want to do.

Not sure where I am going with all this but I am hopeful for 2008. It has the possibility to be so many wonderful things. I have no resolutions but I have lots of plans. I am excited to see where life takes us.
I just finished a wonderful book that is very apropos for this time of year. A friend who I admire greatly for many reasons but especially for his serenity, gifted it to Aaron and I for Christmas. I believe he thought that I particularly could benefit from it and he was so right. He said that it had made a great impact on his life . I can see why.
It is called The Art of Possibility. I generally shy away from self-help books. A lot of them seem contrived and hokey and frankly, I feel that I already have all I need to help myself through God and my faith, but the perspectives of these two open minded, creative and amazing positive people on how a change in perceptions can change the world, really resonated with me. I feel they will help me in my dealings with others and especially with the way I relate to myself.  If nothing else, I guarantee an uplifting read.

I wish you my friends everything hopeful and lovely in 2008.

Since I began blogging a few months ago I have rekindled some relationships that have been very meaningful to me, they have been a great blessing. As I have mentioned before, I am surprised by the number of people who appear to be reading this.  I am not that weirded out by that anymore, and I thank you for your interest, but once again, I'm fairly certain that a goodly portion of this blog's readers are people I do not yet have the pleasure of knowing. I would love to get to know at least one new person through this blog in 2008, and to be able to call them a friend by the end of the year. Did that sound like a resolution? Let's call it a hope.

                            Happy New Year!

                          Adieu, Adieu, to you and you and you......

PS: Does anyone really know all the words to Auld Lang Syne?

Comments

[Samantha]

[Postscript: this is not so much a comment as an essay in itself... apologies for my verbosity] What a lovely essay you wrote. I have been trying to reach such an introspective position in time for the new year, but haven't fully got there. Maybe tomorrow! After all, December 31st is a bit of an arbitrary date to end a year on, isn't it? I think it is great idea to look back and "count your blessings" rather than only looking forward. I was hoping to be able to tell you that 32 isn't that old, but maybe 33 is... but I'm not sure that's true. This year (I turned 32), I did feel old... much more so than I did when I reached the previously-dreaded 30 (but let's hope it will be different for you!). And unlike you, I feel like "nothing" changed for me in 2007. I have had a crummy year overall, so maybe that has affected it. However, I have had years where I have been amazed at the changes that occurred, and I have been unable to imagine how far another year could take me. So I get that. And as for resolutions, I didn't previously do them, but I did last year (with mostly failure) and I haven't decided whether or not to do them this year. I think your argument has swayed me away from it! I do think it is better to resolve to change as soon as I think of something that needs changing, even if it is May 8th at 11:34 am (or whatever). Hmmm... maybe I should have put all these thoughts in my own blog, rather than yours! Happy New Year! Oh dear... I thought of one more thing to say: I am impressed at your mostly positive attitude as you looked back at your year--you had at least one very crummy thing happen to you this past year (your diagnosis) and yet you are looking at the bright side of things. Once again I am impressed by your strength. You go, girl!