Stress cadet...

I am so stressed right now I can't even tell you.  What a difference a week can make. Last week this time I was not stressed, although I had anticipated being very stressed then, with Aaron being gone and all. It so happened that I felt extraordinarily calm and balanced and serene for the most part last week, as I spent so much time gloating over in the neverending post below. Indeed, I anticipated this week as a happy time of decompression, but life never goes as planned (sometimes for the better, sometimes not) and  I cannot remember when I have felt less decompressed.

I know that I am having some grade A, high quality stress because I am having a ton of trouble eating, although I ate my first real meal in a few days at a friend's house tonight. Things always taste better at a friend's house and I felt a bit better for an hour or so. I am sure the lack of food is not adding to my mental stability. It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation. On the bright side, I weigh less then I did in highschool. Whodathunk that would ever happen. But really, it's not the silver lining one would think because for the first time in my life I am worrying that I will not stop losing weight. (Yes I managed to add one more thing to my stress/worry arsenal-I am a professional freaker-outer, you see). I ran that past Aaron last night, "so what happens if I keep losing 5 lbs every month or so?" to which he replied, "well pretty soon you will die". Cheerful. You've got to love the Idahoan way of telling it like it is.

Anyway, it was a conversation I never ever thought we would be having. In fact I actually once may have wished it were. It used to be more in the realm of "omihell what happens if I keep gaining 5lbs every month or so? How much further can the skin on my stomach possibly stretch?!" Once more, life...not predictable.

I am trying desperately to regain perspective on life and to hark back to the last time I was feeling this insane, and how the tunnel looked so long and dark and well...blocked off at the end, and how everything turned out hunkey dorey eventually. For a season. I know it will again. Well, in my head I know this but my stomach is not so sure. I had a friend who always used to say life is a cycle of crisis. You are either in one, just getting over one, or just going into one. I suppose this is what keeps it interesting.

I just thought I would share this good cheer with you all.  Misery loves company even if it is silent, faceless internet company. I am hoping by Tuesday to be a happier person, or at least one that eats and sleeps on a semi-regular basis.

Off to attempt that thing called sleep. I'm sure it will help.

I hope you are all in a decompressed phase of life. It's way more fun.

/therapy session.

Comments

[Toad]

I'm sorry to hear Frog. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

When do you leave for SA?

[Amz]

I am worried about you...Is there an activity that you enjoy doing that is relaxing, comforting, and/or soothing. A day without the children? Could you take a day this weekend and go to the temple? Just some ideas...I hope you start feeling better soon.